Off late, I've been very unmotivated at work. I'm on a project that a lot of people think is exciting but I think it's boring ! I haven't been able to find something that challenges me in a while now. I've repeatedly asked my manager to do something "different" but there is nothing special to do anymore it seems and it's all about placements from a management perspective. If I'm engaged in a project, I'm taken and no one thinks about me anymore, they worry about the next person who isn't on a project ! But what about me who doesn't want to do the same things anymore ?
I've been with my company for the last 5 years working in the system integration department - well it's a fancy word for node/system test and integration. When I first joined, it was exciting as I had never ventured into the telecom world and I was getting to learn new things ! Then after a couple of years, work was still exciting as I was not only an individual tester but team lead, responsible for my team's work. Then from a small team lead, I graduated to an overall team lead, which was still better but now I'm back to being an individual tester on my current project - I am told that I should be flexible to fit in any role that's available ! It's like going backwards and with me being pregnant this year, I know it's going to be a wasted year for me as I'll be out for 12 weeks which is pretty much the entire Q3. So then I think to myself, what's the point of changing jobs right now or demand to be put in a demanding project when I know I'll not be able to meet the demands ?? Similarly, I'll be too busy next year with a toddler and an infant to try something different.
Sometimes I wonder if I should just quit my job and stay at home ? but quitting means, one less income which means taking care of kids full time without any help (like maid or cook services) and frankly I don't think I'm ready for it right now ! Sure I love my kid to death and miss her everyday at work but am I ready to let go of whatever self reliance that I have today, the luxury of earning as much as my spouse and that self respect that I too get money on the table and the fact that I can have an intelligent conversation with someone !
Someone once told me that not everyone finds a job that gives them 100% satisfaction, these days you should be thankful to find something that gives you 10% satisfaction and motivation ! For now I still haven't found that 10%, maybe it's my pregnancy hormones that won't let me find that happiness :) but until I do, I continue to wander aimlessly in this corporate world !
I've been with my company for the last 5 years working in the system integration department - well it's a fancy word for node/system test and integration. When I first joined, it was exciting as I had never ventured into the telecom world and I was getting to learn new things ! Then after a couple of years, work was still exciting as I was not only an individual tester but team lead, responsible for my team's work. Then from a small team lead, I graduated to an overall team lead, which was still better but now I'm back to being an individual tester on my current project - I am told that I should be flexible to fit in any role that's available ! It's like going backwards and with me being pregnant this year, I know it's going to be a wasted year for me as I'll be out for 12 weeks which is pretty much the entire Q3. So then I think to myself, what's the point of changing jobs right now or demand to be put in a demanding project when I know I'll not be able to meet the demands ?? Similarly, I'll be too busy next year with a toddler and an infant to try something different.
Sometimes I wonder if I should just quit my job and stay at home ? but quitting means, one less income which means taking care of kids full time without any help (like maid or cook services) and frankly I don't think I'm ready for it right now ! Sure I love my kid to death and miss her everyday at work but am I ready to let go of whatever self reliance that I have today, the luxury of earning as much as my spouse and that self respect that I too get money on the table and the fact that I can have an intelligent conversation with someone !
Someone once told me that not everyone finds a job that gives them 100% satisfaction, these days you should be thankful to find something that gives you 10% satisfaction and motivation ! For now I still haven't found that 10%, maybe it's my pregnancy hormones that won't let me find that happiness :) but until I do, I continue to wander aimlessly in this corporate world !
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