Life, as it happens..

I feel guilty for both my kids ! I feel guilty for the unborn one because I feel, no one pays too much attention to him, I've never ever bought anything new - toys or clothes or other kind of equipment in preparation of the new born. I know I have time but same time frame with my first born was very different ! I don't even have a name picked out, haven't even bothered to search one, I keep referring to it as baby #2 in front of others :)

On the other hand, when I went to see my friends new born, I held her in my arms, my first born was right next to me saying "baby, baby" in excitement but I kept a close watch on her as she might get excited and poke the baby ! I had to keep pushing her away, I felt so bad doing that. I felt as if I abandoned by baby girl just because there was another new born in sight. I know when our own son is born, we'll have to keep restraining her and maybe even get angry at her if she doesn't listen. I've never treated my dear daughter this way, so I don't know how I'll be able to do all this without feeling guilty all over again ! Everyone assures me that another kid doesn't mean you don't love him or her, your love doubles for both of them, I guess time will tell how things go, but I'm just a bit nervous sometimes !

GCT stands for glucose challenge test, it's the first test you take when you're pregnant between 24 to 28 weeks for detecting if you developed gestation diabetes. Last time I failed the 1 hour test and was then called to take the 3 hour glucose tolerance test (GTT) - in which 1 out of 4 of my readings was slightly higher. One needs 2/4 readings to be high to be classified as gestational diabetic. In my case, the doctor said that I should watch what I eat which didn't make enough sense to me as I had no idea what to watch ? I took an unofficial diabetes counselling class where they told me how to measure my carb intake and also set me up with a glucose meter where I had to poke my self several times a day. My night readings were always high, the rest of the day was just fine.

Anyways, after last time, I have been very skeptical about this time as they say that you have a 30-85% chance of developing it with the second baby if you've already had it before. And being myself, I always prepare myself for worse and worry weeks before the actual even so that I'm not so disappointed in the end. This is exactly what I'm doing now as I have my test on Friday. I have studied all the lunch places I normally eat at and have figured out what I can or can't eat. But with these preparations, I'm secretly hoping that I pass the test this time cause it's really frustrating not being able to eat what you want. Also what's frustrating is that I know a lot of people who just keep eating like crazy when they were pregnant but never had a sugar problem but me on the other hand who's had a very controlled diet will get into all sorts of sugar problems !! Why me ???

I'm tired of all the sickness in my house ! One of us is always sick ! My daughter is the culprit, bringing all the germs from day care and then we take turns passing these around. But what can the poor child do, it's not her fault that she goes to day care at such a young age and the fact that we live in a place that has 7 months of cold and flu season. I wish I could move to a much warmer place where we wouldn't be falling sick so much. I occassionally get a cold but it's over in a day or two but this time is different.. it's lasted for 3 days accompanied by fever, weakness and now some sort of an eye infection and being pregnant just makes the experience even worse as you not only fear for people around you but also the unborn life you're carrying. Hopefully all of this is not affecting the baby !